I was speaking with my good friend Kathy Toon yesterday and she was relating her experience of working with women who were playing tennis on their club teams. These teams have a schedule of matches with other teams in the area.

A few of the players had some team experience in high school or college but even that may not have been the greatest experience. The rest of the women have no team experience at all.

Team and tennis might seem incompatible at first glance anyway. Only in doubles play does team seem to come into play. Even there it has been proven over and over that you can stick two good players on the court together that havent played together and they will rarely play well. Even the Williams sisters (Venus and Serena) didnt play great doubles early on.

So what does being a good team provide anyway since the actual play is pretty individual? Here are some things to consider:

SUPPORT”Ever had a bad day? Pretty cool when you have people around you that
know what you are up to and are there for you no matter what.

RELATIONSHIP”Women tend to see their world through the quality of their
relationships. When relationships are good, life is good.

COACHING”If you are willing, you have people around you who know your style
and ability that can remind you of something or suggest something that could
raise the level of your play. Everyone needs coaching.

ENERGY”We get energy from our interactions with other people. We can be
lifted by that energy beyond our own expectations. Your tennis team is a
microcosm of your life. Consider, œHow you do anything is how you do everything.

RESULTS”You are representing your club and your team. The scoreboard is going
to represent the team not the individuals on the team. Doing anything well together
is a very enlivening experience.

There is much more available in being a team. These will do for starters. Lets look at what prevents women from being a team. (Yes, men have stuff to deal with but it is different.)

Let me tell you a story to set the stage for this part. I was working with my client, lets call her Ms. J., who is a fine player in the over 50 category. She is getting ready to play in an elite tournament and her regular doubles partner has to cancel. So, she scrambles around and finds a gal who can play that weekend. This is someone she has never played with and she immediately started up with all the reasons why this might not work. Here is the coaching I gave her with her permission.

1. Get in relationship with her immediately. How is her life going would be a good
place to start.
2. Find out what she needs from me (Ms. J)
3. Let her know what she can count on from me (Ms. J)
4. Final Statement”œLets have fun

Result”They won the tournament (mildly interesting) and they LOVED playing together (thats what Im talkin about). What if that is what your team looked like?

So what prevents you, the women reading this, from having this experience playing with your team? Pay attention please. You might want to notice if you are looking at your
teammates about what they need to do?

SELFISHNESS” All human beings are. It is built in. Notice it. Refuse to act on it.

LACK OF TRUST”Youve been hurt sometime, so has everyone else. Trust is a
gift you give. But first you must trust yourself. If you cant
trust yourself, forget trusting anyone else.

RELATIONSHIPS”You think relationships are 50-50, i.e., I give and get back equally. Good luck! Try on, relationships work where 100%-0%. 100 on you and zero on them. Thats what Ms. J did with her partner.

JEALOUSY”The Achilles heel for women. Ill make it simple. You are never
going to have what they have or be them. Just be who you say you
are.

SCARCITY”Jealousys evil step-sister. The fear there isnt enough of the good
stuff to go around (attention, love, prestige etc., etc.) Look at
nature. There is only abundance.

These are a few things you may want to consider. The more your attention is on yourself the smaller your world becomes and the less satisfying your experience. All those women out there are just mirrors to see yourself. Do just this one thing. Come to every engagement with your team in the spirit of workability and see what happens.

You can find Coach Todds latest book, œThe Art of Losing on-line at Vervante.com or lulu.com