It is Sunday, June 19th, and it is Fathers Day and birthdays for my business partner
Sharon and my granddaughter Jasmine. For this writing I want to concentrate on Dads.

Dads are special guys in childrens’ lives. I think many times they are not appreciated in
their childrens’ lives until much later. I am sure there are exceptions but hear me out.

First and foremost, they arent available to their children enough and, of course, when
needed. This is exactly when needed by their child like a want.

It doesnt matter where they are or what they are doing. Young children have no gray in
their view of the world. You either are or you arent. They arent interested in the reasons
why not. (Note: Nothing I say in this piece is meant to minimize what Moms contribute,
i.e. working Moms, single Moms, stay-at-home Moms, etc.)

For the most part, men are working. They are focused on providing for the family.
Their intent is to do the best they know how to do. Some are more successful than others.
In general, we have not figured out a model that is acceptable to the family and still
produces the results we are after. Our bad!

In many case we have used work to justify our behavior. Not acceptable but lets not
string Dad up by his thumbs yet. Lets not vilify Dads performance just yet. The
majority of Dads only want two things: a happy wife and children who have the
opportunity to live a better life than he did. The hard part is figuring out how to do this.

Do we make mistakes? Are we breathing? Of course we do. No one ever told us how to
do this most difficult job of being a parent. No excuse, just fact.

A couple of other things about being a Dad. He is expected to enforce the ground rules
for the family. Does he always do that? No. You know the work thing. If he doesnt he
will get dinged for it. When he does, his children will likely not appreciate it. Sounds
like œno win to me.

If the marriage is struggling, the general consensus will be that Dad screwed it up. Just
remember it takes œtwo to tango. I am not interested in blaming anyone. I am just
saying that in the 54 years I have been a parent, how it has occurred to me.

I think often times Dads have trouble creating relationships with their daughters.
Women are a mystery to start with and young women even more so. I was in a course
one time where the question was asked of the women participants, œhow many of you
consider yourself to be œDaddys little girl? Two-thirds of the women raised their hands
and it was a large group. I suspect that most of the one-third who didnt raise their hand
wanted to be and had lost the job to a sister.

Sounds as if Dad was working on making his daughter happy. A big parent trap. You
cant make anyone else happy and it isnt the parents’ job, anyway. Setting the standards,
holding the child to them is Dads job. Down the road it will be appreciated. Especially
when they become parents. Just tell them how beautiful they are and that you love them
and hold the line on the ground rules. You will do great.

The game is the same with sons. Boys are just not as much of a mystery. After all, Dad
has been there. A tip for you Dads: include the kids in formulating the rules. Listen to
them when they speak. Avoid dispensing your infinite wisdom.

Today is the day to honor Dad for being there for you and doing the best he knew how to
do. It is also the day to forgive him for not living up to your expectations. I dont think
that is his job anyway.

This I know for sure. Dads inherently love their children and their success or failure as a
parent does not negate that fact. Thank you Dad for what you have given me.

Check out Coach Todds latest book, œThe Art of Losing, Coaching Athletics and
Thriving in a Made-for-TV World on lulu.com