I have been having this conversation with coaches and athletes that I worked with for over 25 years. Some take it on and others do not. I know all the reasons a person could give for not taking this on, Ive heard them all.

Here is the conversation. If relationship is the key to everything, what is the key to relationship? Though the answer is simple, for some people it could be difficult. The answer could be so difficult that they would rather suffer than take action in their relationships. Or, spend a lot of energy on pretending that they are not.

Let me begin with a story. This mornings sports section had a story about an athletes behavior that was so unusual that it rated several columns. Peyton Manning, star quarterback of the Indianapolis Colts, refused to sign his contract unless the club LOWERED the amount. His reasoning”there would be more money for better teammates.

So, how does a young man see to do what he did? My bet is it starts with his relationship with two people: Mom and Dad. It is the same with every other person on the planet. How one relates to men is reflected in their relationship to Dad and how one relates to women is reflected in their relationship with Mom. Their relationship to relating? You got it! Mom and Dads relationship to each other.

The majority of the learning takes place before we know we are learning and is pretty much in place by the time we are ten. Peyton Mannings view of life is grounded in his relationship with his parents. His actions are his own. He just has a solid place to stand to make his choices. By the way, I have never met his parents or him.

I tell coaches all the time that when an athlete reacts to something they do or say they are
just reacting out of their relationship with Mom or Dad. Some of you know this is not particularly good news with some athletes you have coached.

The more complete they are with their parents, the easier for the coaches to be themselves and be effective with each athlete. I have known athletes that grew up in really poor circumstances that were solid as a rock. In their background were parents who they loved and respected.

There is more to this conversation than I can cover in this short piece. Here are some things you can pay attention to that will make a difference:

-Be honest about your relationships with both parents. Dont ask your athletes to œdo as I say, not as I do.
-If you know the athlete has a problem with a parent, urge them to communicate with that parent.

-The key is to forgive the parent for not being the parent you thought they should be. Whatever they did was all they were capable of.

Do not forget”parents inherently love their children. Since they are human like you; they sometimes screw up.

For more information on this subject, call Coach Todd at 661-679-7706. If you leave a message say it is regarding œparents. Or, get a copy of Coach Todds latest book œThe Art of Losing on line at lulu.com or Vervante.com