On November 19, 2011 I had the opportunity to speak at the TEDx Youth@Monterey conference. Attending the TED youth conference were more than 600 high school students and approximately 90 adult chaperones. The slate of œTED talk speakers ranged from junior-high age to post-post graduates such as myself.

The title of my talk was, œThe Key to Everything. I had a mere eight minutes to deliver the message”the key to EVERYTHING is relationship. Everything we do and have requires the efforts of others.

Watch the TEDx video, and then continue reading below.

The concept is that in any relationship, its 100% me, and 0% you. In other words, I accept 100% of the responsibility for having the relationship work. Easy now, dont go crazy on me! Of course, I want something out of any relationship ¦ its just not where I choose to focus my energy. I really only have a say about what I do.

To be clear, I am talking about all kinds of relationships: romantic, friendship, work, family and even community relationships are included. My primary attention is on how this works with coaches and their teams. Where are YOU most committed to having great relationships?

Lets look at this question: œWhat is 100%? First of all, 100% is an ideal. The nature of an ideal is that it is unattainable. This looks like a set-up for failure, for sure.

What I mean is that in my relationship with anyone, I intend to find out what the other person needs and, to the best of my ability that day, supply it. Its important to understand that on some days, youre not going to have the same ability to supply whats needed as the day before.

The point is; I am intentionally looking to discover how I can best contribute to being in a relationship with the other party. Your 100% will be made up of many different things. If I am absolutely committed to the relationship being great (why would you want anything else) it could require different actions. Some of these could be as follows:

-Being willing to address whats not working

-Listening to the other persons point of view

-Acknowledging the other persons accomplishments

-Being clear about what I respect about the other person

-Making sure we are aligned in supporting each others commitments

-Speaking the possibility of something in the face of their resignation about the subject

-Being happy as a choice, not dependent on what the other person does for me

-Be a stand on the value of the other person, etc, etc., etc.

 

I am sure you can add to the list as you fully explore 100%-0%.

There is more to 100% than what Ive said in this blog post. Stay tuned. I will address it in more posts to follow. Be looking for places where you havent been willing to give the gift of 100%. The first step is to become aware of whats so.

 

**Coachs, œThe Art of Losing, Coaching and Thriving in a Made-for-TV World, is available on-line at lulu.com. You will find ways that this applies to coaching individual athletes and your entire team.**