Effective leadership lies in our ability to create action. The leader (CEO, Head Coach, Project Manager, etc.) does this with language. One of the issues in this is that a great deal of the communication learned as children is the antithesis of creating action. We generally acquire a roadblock to action called “NOT.”

This “not”and the contractions of the word, i.e., don’t, can’t, etc. are a daily experience for children. They are trained from the beginning in don’t do this or that. In the realm of action “not” does not translate. Therefore, what is emphasized is the thing you don’t want to happen. “Not” is definitely over-used and over-valued.

In the process of coaching performance do I want to address a poor performance by emphasizing it with “don’t do this or that?” Or, do I want to tell the person something to do that by its very nature will correct the glitch and increase the quality of the performance?

I am not saying eliminate use of the word. You couldn’t if you wanted to. You have been hearing it from infancy. I am saying that whatever you see needs to happen is made evident by the action they are given to take.

If you stop them with a “don’t” and no action is given, they will be left in limbo. Their reaction will be the usual and five minutes later they will repeat what you said not to do. When the performer sees a different choice to make a new habit is possible.

If you read someone the “riot act” and give them an action to take they most likely will stumble again in the near future. The best of all worlds is when they discover (with your help) the possible actions from which they can choose.

Final point … when the performer chooses the action he/she will take, you should be sure to let them know you think they can do it. Even if the first efforts aren’t quite “it” yet. Your full support is essential to get them through the trials of learning something new. Without that you could be setting them up to fail.

Don’t forget …

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