Two years ago today my life was changed forever.  Shelley Lynn Davis (nee Todd), my middle daughter was killed by a hit-and-run driver.  He was under the influence of alcohol.

It was early AM and she was training for her 9th marathon.  About the only time of day you would want to do it in Phoenix, AZ.  She was a few months away from her 50th birthday.

I could tell you about all of her accomplishments; 24 years as a public defender, great sister, daughter, etc but this is not why I am writing this piece.  I am writing as a reminder for anyone who reads this that bad things happen to good people.  If we allow what happens to ruin or diminish our life the done much, much to great.

Parents have no expectation of having their child die before them.  It is not supposed to happen that way.   And, it happens more thatn we care to admit.  It happens on our city streets, in the œneighborhoods, the deserts of the Middle East and in hospitals for a variety of reasons.

I know that I will never forget Shelley nor would I want to.  She lived a great life.  I choose to celebrate that.

What I most need to do, first and foremost, is forgive the man who perpetrated this terrible waste.  I have done that and my other three children have done the same.  I know nothing about the nor care to. He was caught and dealt with by our legal system.

Lets look at forgiveness in a little more depth.  Forgiveness”To give as before.  œBefore what?, you might be thinking.  Before what happened, happened.

I had no anger, resentment or animosity of any kind for that driver before.  I didnt know he existed.  If I didnt forgive him I am stuck with all of that  the rest of my life.  I have sentenced myself to œAnger Prison.  This is a life where I am sitting on a bomb and pretending I am not.

Suppressed anger doesnt have to be about something as hugely dramatic as I have described.  It can be about anything and/or anybody that you have failed to release the œsteam from the kettle regarding what happened.

There are two areas that I strongly suggest you address;  resentment and regret.  Resentment is anger at someone else.  Regret is anger at yourself.  Oh yeah, regret is equally as damaging to you as resentment.

Lets look at the regret first.  This includes all the woulda, coulda, shouldas that you have about your life.  I would be wary of thinking you dont have any.  Be honest with yourself, make a list and forgive yourself for being human, one item at a time.  It works to actually look in the mirror and say it out-loud to the person you see there.

Make your resentment list.  Be especially intentional with your family relationships.  Start with your parents and work your way through siblings, aunts, uncles, etc.  Also, old friends, colleagues at work and anyone else you can think of.  Forgive them in-person, by letter or just by declaring out-loud that you forgive.

Suppressed anger kills.  It damages our health and spirit.  It prevents our full self-expression.  In other words, we are not able to be ourselves.  It costs us relationships, happiness, satisfaction health and, of course, LOVE.

Nothing that anyone else did, or you think they did is worth the cost.  Forgive, lighten up and have a great life.  You deserve it.