I have been spending a few days with my family at a place owned by my childrens family on their Mothers side, the Graves. Robert Graves is the patriarch as Grandmother Carol Graves has been deceased for some years, and is still kicking at 96.

My childrens mother, Sally Bob Todd nee Graves died unexpectedly in her 40s. She was the oldest. Sister Susan followed with the brothers Tony, Jody and Michael following after. Michael was only two years older than my oldest child Dawn. He was killed in an unfortunate car wreck at 18 years old.

I have always felt the untimely death of her oldest and youngest children hastened the death of my mother-in-law. There is nothing a parent is less prepared to deal with than the death of their child. I do know something about this one.

We vacationed at a place called Doyle Springs, CA where the Graves family have owned a cabin since 1955. It was built on a piece of property formerly owned by Southern California Edison Company. Back in the 20s they made plots of land available to employees to build cabins in this location on the south end of Sequoia National Park. Though not in the park, it is very near.

My children have been coming here since they were born. My oldest, Dawn, will be 54 in a few days. Her first visit here was only a few days after her birth. It is a great place to escape the heat of the San Joaquin Valley. Doyle Springs is about 30 miles east of Porterville, CA.

Spending a week with the family is a rare treat. In addition to Dawn, her is her husband Rick Corpolongo and my oldest grandchild Jasmine was there. Her brother Ryan chose to remain in Phoenix where they all live. Hes 20 something, so the decision to stay at home is no surprise. Daughter no. 3, Leslie, completes the contingent from Phoenix.

Unfortunately, there are several other members of the family missing. My son, Robert, lives in Bethesda, MD with his wife Susie and their three children; daughter Sofie, and the twins Finn and Daisy. Sofie is in high school and even though they are twins, Finn is in the 8th grade and Daisy is in the 7th. Perhaps the fact that Finn is taking three high school courses explains a little. The family, all in all, is a very talented group. We miss them but it is a long trip to make every year with the gang.

The other missing member of the family is my 2nd daughter Shelley. It will be three years ago this August that she was killed by a hit and run driver while out training for her 9th marathon. The driver was drunk and ran a red light. For 24 years she was a public defender for Maricopa County. We continue to miss her, as always.

So why am I telling you all of this? There are a couple of reasons. As I get older, it seems to me that the members of any family go through so many individual struggles just figuring out who they are and what they are up to that they lose sight of each other. I know there are exceptions but, in general, I find this to be true. I think we forget that all relationships are like plants”they need tending.

The second thing is that ultimately family is who will be there when the end comes. I have no intention of being morbid, just pointing out the obvious. Family was there in the beginning and, for the most part, family will be the only people around at the end. Perhaps it would be useful to pay more attention to the journey in between.

I am extremely proud of my children and claim no responsibility for how they turned out. They are extremely giving and have continued to make a remarkable difference in the lives of others. Just wanted to acknowledge what I have experience the past few days with them.

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