For me, the context for working with people has been “relationship is the key to everything.” If we know that, why is life so difficult sometimes? Maybe we don’t really appreciate the simplicity of relating and we are making our relationships complex.

Could it be that we think we are not going to get what we deserve? Or, maybe we’re afraid that we will. Are we too busy worrying that we won’t get our share (of what?) to create relationships that work?

We can create a relationship with just respect and a common commitment. … a foundation we can grow with over time.

Here’s how I see it, which, along with a buck-fifty will get you a cup of coffee. The first thing that needs to happen is to put my attention on the other person. What do they need? What do they want? When can I give them something that they have no idea they need?

The formula is 100%-0%. If I put my attention on the other person with none on what I might get in return, don’t you think there is the possibility that I remove most of their fears? When I am of service to someone they can risk doing so in return.

The context for relating for most people is 50%-50%. We spend so much energy worrying about something that is likely impossible to deliver that the relationship is never quite “it.”

I don’t mean we quit on it, we just keep on with a lot of suffering.

The point here is that focusing on my 100% leaves little space for what the other person is doing. If we are both working on 100% how could we fail? Even when the other person doesn’t know about 100% it will just be the way the game is played.

Does that mean we have perfect relationships? No, not at all. 100% is an ideal, something to aim for. When there is a glitch along the way we have the energy to get it worked out. It is then easier to remember that we love and act accordingly. Sometimes we need to love another even when we don’t like them that day.

Looking for more? Head over to lulu.com and pick up your copy of “The Art of Losing” or any of the other books now available by Coach Rolland Todd.