28 years ago when I stopped coaching basketball to work with coaches, athletes and organizational leaders, we (my partners and I) had each participant complete a short questionnaire. One of the questions we asked the athletes has been a big factor in our work ever since.

The question was “what do you want your team to be?” The response was, with few exceptions, the same every time. “I want a team that wins and is close, like family.” The first part was obvious. Everyone wants to be a winner. The second was a surprise in many cases.

Many of the athletes we worked with came from families that were dysfunctional “trainwrecks.” Relatives in prison, unemployed, drug users, gang members, murdered, etc. Yet, the same response. There seemed to be two factors. One, they were looking for a TV version family aka “Father Knows Best” or “Leave It to Beaver.” Most of you probably don’t know anything about those shows and I guarantee there is a similar one on TV today. The other factor was a parent, grandparent, older sibling or relative that kept it all together. There have been many children that were raised by their grandparents.

The thing about family (especially parents) is that they were there at the beginning or were evident because they weren’t. From the moment of birth we are recording everything; good. bad or indifferent. We don’t remember most of it. Six to 10 years of age is a critical time. We make decisions that run our lives and, sometimes, for the rest of our lives.

You might want to notice how many movies and TV programs are about dysfunctional families. How about all families are dysfunctional? There are no “ideal families.” If you are reading this and you are 18 or over, your parents got their job done regardless of what you think about how they did it. The job—”get you grown.” Anything else they did for you was gravy and because they loved you. Grown is, “I can take care of myself.”

If you can’t honor your parents for just what I have said you can’t fully honor yourself or anyone else. It goes like this; “Thank you for being my parent, I love you and I know you love me.” Stop judging and start appreciating. They put you on the planet like it or not. You would not exist without them. Yes, they are imperfect. So are you.