As long as I have been coaching people, one of the most difficult situations that coaches deal with is when to let go of an unproductive relationship. I am talking athletes here. I know that œback in the day I was probably way too slow to declare that there was no way I could figure out how to have a particular relationship work.

What has us hang on too long? First, we really arent sure what œtoo long is. There is no magic formula. Second, perhaps we havent developed any guidelines for ourselves as to what are the keys to growing a relationship.

Here are some possible keys:
– Is the attention I am giving the individual taking too much attention away from the team?
– Is mutual respect present?
– Am I clear about what the athlete wants out of the experience of being on the team?
– Is the athlete clear on what my expectations are?
– Am I generating the relationship?
– Am I acknowledging any productive behavior or am I caught in œsomethings wrong?
– Am I listening for the athletes point of view or too busy selling my own?

These are a few of the items I suggest you put on your checklist.

Lets suppose you feel you have looked at an unproductive relationship from every angle and it is still not working. Is it time to call it quits?

Here are some signs to pay attention to that will assist you in making your decision:
– Are you able to enjoy your season? You have the right, you know.
– Is your team enjoying the season? Same right.
– Are you thinking that you œneed the problem child? You cant have any relationship that you need.
– Giving up on the current relationship is only a failure if you havent taken every action you can see to take.
– Being a member of your team is a privilege, not a right.
– Sometimes given whatever the athlete is dealing with puts them in the wrong place at the wrong time.
– You can be committed to the athlete as a person whether they are on your team or off.

I am sure there are other signs but if you have paid attention to these you would know what you need to do. Please do not use what I have said as justification for removing an athlete. Cover all the bases and then take action based on what is best for the individual, the team and you.

As you go through the process of coaching your team remember that how they see what it takes to be an effective team member is influenced greatly by their source for information, their bible if you will, ESPN. They have grown up in a made-for-tv world. My latest book, just released, is titled œThe Art of Losing”Coaching Athletics and Thriving in a Made-for-TV World for that very reason.

You may have to re-train your athletes as to what is basic to competitive athletics. I assure you it is not the chest pounding and posturing to the crowd that they see daily on television.

It is also not the world created by the sportscasters up in the booth before or after the competition. Television is selling air time so what they deem important may not be on your critical list.

In œThe Art of Losing, I say never ever give up on an athlete. Remain committed to each and every one. A few may not be able to be on your team. Help them find the place that gives them a fighting chance to succeed.

œThe Art of Losing can be found on lulu.com or Vervante.com